Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Tipping or service charges are so much a part of eating out in America that it is strange to be in an environment where tipping is not the norm. Five years ago, on a trip to Tokyo, we were taken aback to find that tips were not expected, where they were politely returned to us. We learned quickly and did not repeat our mistake. It was a practice that I wish existed elsewhere.

Though I always add tips when paying restaurant tabs, it is something that leaves me feeling either foolish or parsimonious. Did I tip too little or too much? Sometimes, I am not sure. Years ago, 15% was the standard tip, then it became 18%. Now , we are told it should be 20%, even 25% for exceptional service. Why? Why do these standards keep changing, always going up? Also, initially, the percentage was supposed to be calculated on the food and beverage cost; then it switched to a percentage of the entire bill, including tax. Finally, with the hefty markup on wines and drinks, the expected tip increases out of all proportion to the service being provided.

Tips were supposed to be optional, not mandatory. Now, they are expected as a right. They are even suggested and encouraged where they should not be. At the coffee shop where I pick up a bagel and coffee, there is a tip jar on the counter. What exactly is the tip for in this instance? For ringing up my order and handing it to me? I don’t buy it.

Service charges are not the answer. They merely mean a mandatory tip, whether the service is good or not and just take the guesswork out of figuring out what is appropriate. Besides, one has way of knowing how much of the service charge actually goes to the wait-staff and how much is skimmed off by the management, something I suspect happens a lot.

By not including the service in the basic cost of the meal, restaurants are doing what the airlines do. Keeping the stated price low and then socking customers with extras. Airlines do it to hide the true cost of a flight; restaurant owners do it to pass on the cost to diners and to avoid paying employees a living wage.

I’m glad therefore glad to read that some restaurants ( many of them owned by Danny Meyer) in New York City have abolished the practice of tipping. The prices listed on the menu ( plus tax) are the total cost of the meal. No hidden charges. This way, I can look at the prices on the online menu and decide whether a particular restaurant is worthwhile or whether it is too rich for my blood.

P.S The above might make me seem a curmudgeon but I don’t think I am. I am careful to tip ( and quite generously too) at ordinary restaurants. At low end restaurants, I tip more because I know the servers don’t make much. What gets my goat is the outsize charge for service at the upper end restaurants that I occasionally eat at.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

For many years now, I have been talking about starting a Conversation Club. Generally,  at parties, the men and women form two separate groups and converse on the same old topics. The men talk politics, sport and money; the women about families, children and fashions. It’s all very predictable and boring, particularly the political discussions which never lead to anything ; nothing is going to be solved by us armchair experts but still we plow on.

I had read about The Socrates Club,  impromptu gatherings in public places, open to anyone who wishes to attend, at which attendees explore a topic announced shortly in advance. By exchanging views and asking questions, people from different backgrounds learn more about the subject and become more tolerant of each other’s views. There are now more than 600 such clubs all over the world. Sample topics: ” What is good art?” and  ” What does love of country mean?”

My idea for the Conversation Club was slightly different because my objective was different. The topics discussed at the Socrates Cafes, interesting though they were, appeared to me to be too highbrow for my friends’ tastes. Neither did I feel qualified to lead the discussions on such subjects.  I wanted to have a small group of friends meet regularly and discuss topics from our everyday lives, the idea being to cement our friendships by knowing more about each other, our likes and dislikes, our experiences. Sample topics: ” How do you feel about New York City? Do you go there often, seldom or not at all?” and ” Is winter just another season to be enjoyed or does the cold weather depress you? What do you do to avoid the winter blues?” or ” Hamburgers or Hot Dogs? Which do you prefer and why?” Follow-up questions would enable a thorough exploration of the subject and a better understanding of ourselves and each other.

I never did start a Conversation Club but I have used the approach in putting together a column, ” Your Turn”, that is published in the monthly newsletter of our Active Adult community. Each month I ask five different members of our community a question,( like the ones above) and add my own thoughts  to theirs. I started out interviewing my friends and neighbors, then the acquaintances from the different groups I am a part of and have now progressed to buttonholing people I meet in the clubhouse or on my walks. The answers are always interesting and sometimes surprising . It has also made me some new friends.

I am now thinking of starting — I will be starting – – a Movie Viewing club. The idea came to me after the Sunday Afternoon Cinema Screening of ” Monsoon Wedding” for which I was the moderator. ( See last post). Watching the movie in a group and discussing our reactions to it was not only a highly enjoyable experience but it created bonds between those who participated in the experience. I want to do it on a smaller scale at home. My idea: Invite two couples and show a video either borrowed from the library or from Netflix streaming services and then discuss it in a relaxed home setting fueled by coffee and snacks. Of course, the movie must be a meaningful one, perhaps ” Queen Of Katwe’, a Mira Nair film about a 12 year old girl from the slums of Uganda who becomes a chess prodigy and transforms her life. There are several talking points about the movie which would make for an interesting discussion. Now, I have to find out who among my friends and acquaintances, would like such a movie and be prepared to discuss it. Since I want to keep the viewing audience small, I want to take my time and be very selective in who I invite. It should be fun.

 

 

 

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Once a month , on a Sunday afternoon,  our Active Adult community shows a movie at the clubhouse. There is no charge. Attendees bring snacks for general consumption and the club provides coffee and tea. A moderator introduces the movie and, after the screening, leads a discussion on it. Yesterday, the club screened Mira Nair’s 2001 hit ” Monsoon Wedding” and I was the moderator. Everything went well,  it was an interesting experience and I came away with some fresh ideas on how best to enjoy a movie.

My wife and I saw ” Monsoon Wedding” when it first came out 16 years ago ( It really doesn’t seem that long ago). We saw it at a theater in Westfield, N.J and  were surprised by the reaction of the audience at movie’s end. When the lights came on, there was a sustained burst of applause and they then remained seated for a full five minutes  as if stunned.

I remembered the main points of the film but had long forgotten the details. So, the week before the screening at the clubhouse, I watched a video of ” Monsoon Wedding”, not just the movie but the bonus features too. They included a commentary by the director, Mira Nair, that was as long as the movie itself. It was a good thing I did because it cleared up some questions I had besides providing some interesting insights. Watching the movie for the second time was very helpful too. Since I already knew the plotline, I was able to focus my attention on the faces of the characters and appreciate the fine nuances of their acting.  At some points, I replayed the scenes and picked up additional details that I’d not previously noticed. One other thing I did was to read as many online reviews of the movie as I could.

All this prep work came in handy  since it gave the confidence that I could handle most anything that came up at the screening. I kept the introduction short and gave just the barest description of the beginnings of the plot. I mentioned that it was an ensemble drama and that while the movie might seem chaotic in the beginning with lots of characters coming and going, they (the audience) would know every character intimately by the end. I warned them of some graphic language in the movie and re-assured them that this Indian movie at least was not over-long.

After the movie, I began by asking the audience what they thought of the movie, and we were off to the races. Their comments were very perceptive and  one comment led to another. When the conversation seemed likely to flag, I threw out a question of my own. Every now and then, I had to clarify some point about Delhi society and Indian wedding customs and was able to do so without any problems. All in all, a most enjoyable experience because of this sharing of views. I was most impressed by the depth of understanding and the broadmindedness of the views expressed by the audience members

So.. what did I learn about how to watch a movie? Well, if you like the movie and want to know more , watch the bonus features, particularly the director’s commentary. It will give you fresh ideas about the plotting and how the director translated the script into the action on the screen. If you still want to know more, read what some of the well known film critics have to say about the film. Don’t just take their opinions as gospel but examine them and see whether  or not your own views are in agreement. This may sound like a lot of work but it really isn’t because you doing something you like. It’s  fun too because, once in a while, there is an “Aha!” moment when you stumble upon some the answer for some obscure point and then discover that it was what the director intended. In time, these practices will make you a much more discerning viewer and bring you much enjoyment besides.

Next post: Starting a Movie Viewing Club

 

Read Full Post »

The Tasting Menu

The tasting menu has been all the rage at upscale restaurants for the past decade. Instead of  selecting from an a la carte menu,  diners enjoy smaller quantities of an assortment of dishes from a set prix fixe menu. It is an expensive option, often running to $250 or over, per person ( without wine). Now, even as more and more restaurants offer these tasting menus, there seems to be a backlash against them.

Not only are the meals very expensive, they are marathons lasting three or four hours, and they leave diners feeling bloated  and bored by the experience. As the succession of dishes arrives at the table, one feels like throwing in the towel and crying ” Enough!”

I haven’t much experience of such menus. I’ve only eaten from them three times at Morimoto, the last occasion  eight years ago. The dinners were hosted by my brother-in-law and namesake, and each was a memorable experience

I will never forget the first time at Morimoto. Each dish was a revelation, an explosion of flavor and what made each course special was the presentation. The dishes they were served in were beautiful and different from each other, unique, works of art. The artfully designed food was almost jewel- like in appearance, a feast for the eyes as well as the taste buds. Each dish elicited ” oohs” and “aahs’. I wish I could describe how beautiful it looked but words fail me as does memory. ( This was, after all, several years ago.) There was also a “layering” of flavor such as I had never experienced before. Just as I thought, I knew what a morsel tasted like on the tongue, the taste buds detected another underlying flavor. ( Was  that a hint of yuzu? And that hint of sweetness…where did it come from?)The wait-staff was solicitous and efficient and we diners felt pampered. The first time is always the best but the second and third time were almost as good though the sense of expectation and wonder was somewhat dulled.

There were only two shortcomings to this luxe meal. One:  So many different flavors that, by the end of the meal, I was overwhelmed. Scant hours later, I did not have a clear idea of any of the dishes. I liked all of them but I could not tell you what they were. There were many different ingredients in each dish that I couldn’t tell you what they were without referring to the menu. Second: though there were many dishes in the multicourse meal, the quantities were small and at the end of the meal, even though I do not have a big appetite, I was not quite full…. which, when I consider how much it must have cost, was troubling. (Anticipating this problem, the host also ordered two dishes from the a la carte menu so that we did not feel peckish at the end of the meal).

My last words on tasting menus: They are an experience to be savored once or twice, if cost is no object, but they are not something I would enjoy regularly.

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

Elmore Leonard offered a much quoted dictum about the use of exclamation points ( or exclamation marks) in his book  10 Rules of Writing : “ You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.” For most of my life, I had no problem adhering to this rule because I rarely used a punctuation mark. It seemed artificial and I was well able to manage without it.

The purpose of an exclamation point is to ” indicate strong feelings or high volume” and it often marks the end of a sentence.  Initially used to convey joy, wonderment ( ” Eureka!”) or other positive feelings its use was later expanded to communicate  astonishment in a negative sense ( ” Alas!”). Since I never used such interjections, it was easy to avoid using the exclamation point.

All that changed with the advent of e-mails and, more particularly, text messaging. The use of exclamation points exploded and it is not unusual nowadays to see them used in bunches, three or four of them one after another. I must confess that I too am now an inveterate user of exclamation points in my text messages( though only one at a time) and, to a lesser extent, my e-mail.

Why this sudden change?

There are two reasons that are advanced to explain this phenomenon. Eliot Hannon writing in Slate calls exclamation points ” a tonic in the grayness of electronic communication.” He adds” the more insignificant the message, the more the exclamation points.”  Others have put forth the idea that exclamation points are a sign of ” the general exaggeration, aggressiveness and extremism of our culture.”

I subscribe to the first explanation. Often, after I have tapped out a text message and am reading it prior to sending it, I find it sounds abrupt and unfeeling, somehow incomplete. The solution: Add an exclamation point. A text message is not so much a written communication as a written conversation and, because it has to be brief, it is well nigh impossible to convey tone and emphasis without resorting to exclamation points. Twitter  demands even more brevity and Twitterers use exclamation points even more freely. I also suspect that many writers on social media are poor communicators and don’t have the language skills to convey what they want to say without devices such as exclamation points.

Not that Elmore Leonard followed his own rule. In his 45 novels, he used an average of 45 exclamation points per 100,000 words, about 16 times as many as he recommended.  However, he is still better than most others. Salman Rushdie used 204 ( per 100,000), Tom Wolfe  929 and James Joyce 1,105.*

Ultimately, it is up to individuals to use as few ( or as many) exclamation points as they want. Elmore Leonard notwithstanding, there are no hard and fast rules for the use of exclamation points. Let it also be said, however, that an abundance of exclamation points is visually unappealing and causes the discerning reader to have a poor opinion of the writer.

P.S I didn’t use a single exclamation point in this post ( except to give an example) and it wasn’t really difficult to do so.

  • Figures are from Nabakov’s Favorite Word Was Mauve: What the Numbers Reveal About the Classics, Bestsellers and Our Own Writing  by Ben Blatt.

Read Full Post »

Game Plan

Pickle ball is the fastest growing sport in the United States, particularly among seniors, and several of the friends whom I play table tennis with have encouraged me to try it. They, like me, are in their seventies or even older and they tell me I should have no trouble picking it up. The trouble is that, every so often, I hear of another friend or acquaintance  who has injured himself playing the game. Last year, Akhil fell and broke his collar bone. His arm was in a sling for three months, he had to have surgery and he is still not 100%. This summer, Frank wrenched his back and Rich hurt his ribs. Hearing about these mishaps makes me cautious about trying the sport myself even though it seems a lot of fun. After my less than successful attempt at badminton, I have become even more leery about trying pickle ball much as I am tempted to do so.

Last week, therefore, I went to the pickle ball courts, mainly to see my friends in action and partly to resolve my doubts. Pickle ball, for those who have not seen it being played, is like a combination of tennis and badminton. It is played on a court half the size of a tennis court which means much less running around. The ball is a hollow perforated ball of hard plastic and the racket is like the one used in paddleball. Scoring is like badminton except that a game consists of eleven points. Unlike tennis, the serve is underhand; none of those 120-140 mph tennis serves that you see Raonic or Cilic release. Rallies , particularly when seniors are playing, are short and there was not much running about. Given the low speeds of the  ball and the half size court, it is no wonder that pickle ball is so popular with the senior contingent. As I watched my friends play, I realized that I could probably do as well as them. At the same time, I resolved not to  overestimate my physical abilities or to try to do too much.

A friend of mine who lives down the street told me that the main cause of injuries is that out of shape people who have never played any games before try to do things that they are not accustomed to. He himself, before he goes to the pickle ball courts , does twenty minutes of yoga and then has pickle-ball practice for another fifteen minutes. In his garage, he has a large square of plywood leaning against the wall. He hits a pickle-ball against it, much like tennis players hitting a tennis ball against a wall. Between the yoga and the practice, he is thoroughly warmed up and limber by the time he takes the court. It’s a routine that I think is eminently sensible.

My plan in the coming months is to get a similar sized plywood piece for our garage, borrow a racket from one of my wounded friends and see how I do. By the time spring rolls around, I should have a good idea of whether pickle ball is in my future. Next April, either I will be on the pickle-ball court or I will have given up the game once and for all.

 

Read Full Post »

At a picnic last month, a friend called out to me , saying that he had badminton rackets and shuttles and would I like to try a few rallies? I accepted with alacrity because I’d always loved badminton. We walked a little ways to a grassy patch and began to play. What a disaster! For one thing, there was a mild breeze blowing. When it was at our backs, the shuttle sailed over our heads and far out of reach. On the other hand, when we were hitting into the breeze, the shuttle didn’t make much headway and fell well short of where we wanted it to go. All in all, it was the rare ” rally” that lasted even three shots. What was more frustrating though was the difficulty I experienced in trying to get to the shuttle. My reactions were slow and my feet felt leaden. It was no fun stumbling around and I was not unhappy when my wife sent word that I should call it a day. A doctor friend who had been watching us play cautioned her that we were risking injury by playing in our casual footwear.

As we walked back, I reflected how the passage of time lays everyone low. I had last played badminton in 1975 and now, more than forty-five years later, at age seventy-five, just getting the racket on the shuttle was difficult. I had thought that because I still play table tennis reasonably well, that my skills had not eroded so much. I was wrong, as my brief foray proved my badminton playing days were over. So gradually does the change take place that one is not aware of it and thinks he is still almost the same as he once was.

However, the discovery was not in the least a cause for lament. After all, I had not played the game for forty-five years so how could I miss what I’d not enjoyed in so long ?  In fact, it was a liberating feeling. There is nothing to prove anymore. If others continue to play the game, more power to them. I’m not in competition with them or with anyone else.

There are other  advantages too. Now, when I see a game being played I am better able to appreciate the skill, the dexterity and the endurance of the players. At the recent All England championships,  Nozomi Okuhara ( Japan) defeated P.V. Sindhu in the Women’s Singles final in an epic match that some have called the greatest of all time. One amazing rally lasted seventy -three shots. Seventy three ! In fifteen minutes of play, my friend and I barely managed to hit the shuttle that many times. I now appreciate Okuhara and Sindhu’s performance even more than I previously did. So too do I feel about Roger Federer’s balletic grace on the tennis court or Odell Beckham’s acrobatic catches in the end zone.

So, you will not see me feeling sorry for my lost skills or for the fact that some pastimes are now beyond me. When one door closes, another one opens. Next spring, as soon as it is warm enough outdoors, you will find me on the bocci court trying to pick up a game which I can easily hope to play for the next decade.  Who knows? I might even try my hand at pickle-ball.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Mr. & Mrs. 55 - Classic Bollywood Revisited!

Two Harvard students relive the magic and music of old Bollywood cinema

Golden Ripples

About Food, Travel, Sports , Books and other fun things

47 Japanese Farms: Japan Through The Eyes of Its Rural Communities -- 47日本の農園

A journey through 47 prefectures to capture the stories of Japan's farmers and rural communities

WordPress.com

WordPress.com is the best place for your personal blog or business site.

%d bloggers like this: