Exclamation Points… Use and Misuse

Elmore Leonard offered a much quoted dictum about the use of exclamation points ( or exclamation marks) in his book  10 Rules of Writing : “ You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.” For most of my life, I had no problem adhering to this rule because I rarely used a punctuation mark. It seemed artificial and I was well able to manage without it.

The purpose of an exclamation point is to ” indicate strong feelings or high volume” and it often marks the end of a sentence.  Initially used to convey joy, wonderment ( ” Eureka!”) or other positive feelings its use was later expanded to communicate  astonishment in a negative sense ( ” Alas!”). Since I never used such interjections, it was easy to avoid using the exclamation point.

All that changed with the advent of e-mails and, more particularly, text messaging. The use of exclamation points exploded and it is not unusual nowadays to see them used in bunches, three or four of them one after another. I must confess that I too am now an inveterate user of exclamation points in my text messages( though only one at a time) and, to a lesser extent, my e-mail.

Why this sudden change?

There are two reasons that are advanced to explain this phenomenon. Eliot Hannon writing in Slate calls exclamation points ” a tonic in the grayness of electronic communication.” He adds” the more insignificant the message, the more the exclamation points.”  Others have put forth the idea that exclamation points are a sign of ” the general exaggeration, aggressiveness and extremism of our culture.”

I subscribe to the first explanation. Often, after I have tapped out a text message and am reading it prior to sending it, I find it sounds abrupt and unfeeling, somehow incomplete. The solution: Add an exclamation point. A text message is not so much a written communication as a written conversation and, because it has to be brief, it is well nigh impossible to convey tone and emphasis without resorting to exclamation points. Twitter  demands even more brevity and Twitterers use exclamation points even more freely. I also suspect that many writers on social media are poor communicators and don’t have the language skills to convey what they want to say without devices such as exclamation points.

Not that Elmore Leonard followed his own rule. In his 45 novels, he used an average of 45 exclamation points per 100,000 words, about 16 times as many as he recommended.  However, he is still better than most others. Salman Rushdie used 204 ( per 100,000), Tom Wolfe  929 and James Joyce 1,105.*

Ultimately, it is up to individuals to use as few ( or as many) exclamation points as they want. Elmore Leonard notwithstanding, there are no hard and fast rules for the use of exclamation points. Let it also be said, however, that an abundance of exclamation points is visually unappealing and causes the discerning reader to have a poor opinion of the writer.

P.S I didn’t use a single exclamation point in this post ( except to give an example) and it wasn’t really difficult to do so.

• Figures are from Nabakov’s Favorite Word Was Mauve: What the Numbers Reveal About the Classics, Bestsellers and Our Own Writing  by Ben Blatt.

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Money and Happiness

I am a little tired of hearing the adage” Money can’t buy happiness”. It’s true, of course, but the words are often conflated to mean many things that are not true. They do not imply, for instance, that money is bad. It’s true that having a lot of money can lead to selfishness and greed, but it is also true that having money is better than not having it. Very much so. And properly used, money can buy happiness. Consider the following findings, all the product of research studies:

1. People who spend their money on experiences are happier than those who spend it on material things. Experiences can be re-lived over and over again ( even the bad ones if they are shared) but that new videogame, that dress or that curio soon loses its appeal.
2. Social experiences bring more happiness than solitary ones. We enjoy an experience more when we do it in the company of others.
3. Spending money on friends or family makes us happy because it brings us closer to them.
4. Using money for good deeds also brings positive feelings and
5. ( This one is my favorite insight). According to an article in Emotion magazine, the amount of cash in your checking account is a good indication of your happiness and satisfaction with life. Not your investments, income or net worth. Your Checking account. When I first read this, I was a skeptical. Isn’t the total amount of money you have the most important indicator of your well -being? A little thought soon set me straight. The cash in your checking account is what you can spend, what you will spend one day soon. Your investments and net worth, on the other hand, are good for your peace of mind, your security against a rainy day. You will probably never ” enjoy” that money.

   Simple when you think about it, isn’t it?

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No Women Allowed

On the outskirts of Philadelphia is a very exclusive country club does not admit women. The prohibition against women is so strictly enforced that members are even discouraged from having their wives drop them off at the clubhouse. Indeed , some of the stories about how far the club goes to preserve the sanctity of this all male bastion are difficult to believe.

For instance, it is rumored that once or twice a year, a burka clad figure can be seen flitting about the clubhouse offices. No, it is not some religious fanatic; it’s merely the female accountant who has been smuggled in to balance the books. Then there is the apocryphal  story about the time, some years ago, when a club member passed away and left a substantial sum of money to be used for the renovation of the the clubhouse. The bequest was gratefully accepted and the renovation completed but the club stewards then faced a tricky problem. Should the widow be invited to the dedication ceremony? There was a long discussion, behind closed doors, and an agreement was finally hammered out. The widow was invited to attend … providing she left the premises immediately after the ceremony.

One final anecdote : A club member was stricken with chest pains while he was in the clubhouse. He was made as comfortable as possible and the First Aid squad summoned. The ambulance was there in minutes  and two EMTs quickly alighted and rolled out a gurney. But there was a problem and you can guess what it was. One EMT was a man, the other a woman. Even in this dire situation, the club stuck to its rules; the female EMT was told that she could not enter the premises. Luckily, the male EMT was able to load the patient into the ambulance with the help of the other club members and  rushed to the hospital where he made a complete recovery.  Some weeks later, when he was back at the club, he was told what had transpired and is reported to have responded: “Had to do it! Had to do it! Perfectly understand!”

No doubt, you who are reading this have questions to ask . Questions like ” What is the membership of this club like? What’s so great about the club? And, finally, How can such blatant discrimination be tolerated nearly one hundred years after women secured the right to vote? Here are the answers:

The club members are rich old white men, most of whom have their money in a variety of businesses.( They have to be rich because the annual membership dues run into the tens of thousands). They like the club’s all-male environment because they can make business deals in peace and’ boys can be boys’. The club does boast an excellent golf course but it is underused. It also has an excellent kitchen which puts out gourmet food. The members don’t come to the club to play golf; they come there to eat, drink, gamble and doing whatever they want unfettered by the presence of women. Gambling is very big at the club. A member once wagered and lost his car lease on a bet. Another member is reputed to have gambled away a million dollars in a single year. Yet another, no doubt under the influence of drink, is supposed to have played a ground of golf while clad only in his underwear. Crude behavior, it seems is not only tolerated, it is the norm. One member, a Cardinal no less, is alleged to have let out a loud fart while in the clubhouse and said, unapologetically, ” Cardinals fart too”.

Which woman would want to be in an environment like this where crudity and boorishness are the order of the day? No wonder women have not tried to overturn the restrictions against female membership.

 

 

 

 

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The Length of One’s Life

We humans are intensely interested in what the future holds for us, particularly in how long we will live. Palmists, astrologers and others tout various ways of determining how many years we have ahead of us. Even though there is no scientific basis for such predictions, these forecasters thrive. There is one numerologist/ astrologist whose ubiquitous TV ads  claim that he has” half a million satisfied customers” in the U.S. I suppose that are always those who want to believe, who are desperate enough to think that someone can help them find what the future holds. As P.T. Barnum famously said,  ” There’s a sucker born every minute.”

As for myself, I remember what a friend of mine discovered when  he was working  temporarily as a morgue attendant. He knew a bit about palmistry and he ” read” the palms of several of the corpses, mainly those who had died young, in accidents. Many, many of them he told me had long tenar lines which are supposed to indicate the length of one’s life. And , yet, there they were in the morgue, well ahead of their time.

There is one story about the length of one’s life that I love. Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov ( 1698- 1760) taught that each of us is born with a fixed number of words to speak.  This number varies from person to person and, when we have spoken our allotted number of words, we die. The words we speak are up to us, the number is not. The moral of the story is that since we do not know how many words we have left, we should be sparing with them; that, whenever we are about to speak, we should stop and ask ourselves” Are these words worth dying for?”

This is, of course, a teaching story , one intended to make us careful with our words. I wish though that I could tell it to a couple of my long-winded friends and convince them that it was true. Wonder if it would have any effect.

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The Evil Within

At the library, I came across a book with the arresting title “ Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate” by Brad Warner. How could I resist it ? I didn’t and it was an interesting read. One passage that I found particularly striking was this:

” Those who hope for purity and righteousness always try and destroy that which disturbs them. They think the disturbance comes from outside themselves. This is a serious problem. Wars, suicide bombings and all sorts of nasty things start from the premise that we can destroy ” evil’ outside ourselves without dealing with the evil within.”

How true. The example that leaps to mind is the societies of the Middle East where men try to avoid temptation by forcing women to cover themselves from head to toe. It is a custom that is doomed to fail. One Western visitor noticed that in Kabul, young men hang around hoping for a glimpse of an ankle as women raise their chadors or burqas  when stepping over a high roadside curb. Enough said.

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The Happy Society

Last year, Denmark was selected as the happiest country in the world ahead of Switzerland, Iceland, Norway, and Finland. The United States was in 13th place, the U.K 23rd and Japan 53rd.

What is it that accounts for the Danes happiness? Well, it is not about having things. The Danes have a name for their condition ; it is hygge ( pronounced hue-gah). There is no easy one-word  definition of this term but it can be understood to mean creating an atmosphere of warmth and intimacy and enjoying the good things of life with good people. It also means building sanctuary and community and connecting to others whether they be family, friends the community or the earth itself.  And it stresses small pleasures over the pressure to be perfect.

The first part of the definition ( enjoying the good  things of life with good people) is not new and is not unique to the Danes. People in countries the world over are well aware that happiness does not lie in excessive materialism and that it is the small things in life that are important, particularly when enjoyed with other people. Some such pleasures: family get-togethers, tucking into delicious food in the company of good friends, tea served in fine china, curling up with a good book, and a summer afternoon at the beach. These are some of the things that give value and meaning to our every day lives, make us feel at home, generous and content.

It is the second part of the definition ( about living in a society that stresses the importance of community) that is unusual. Danes like living in a society that provides a solid social framework and emphasizes personal contentment instead of status. Some of the features of  Danish society  are trust, a supportive education system and affordable healthcare. I’m sure Danes grumble about the high taxes they pay but they also know what they get in return and are happy with the compact. It allows them to have a good work-life balance and creates a strong foundation for fulfillment.

I can’t help thinking of the United States and the situation we find ourselves in today. Here, we stress individual freedoms to the point where the feeling of community is being undercut. When I speak to older Americans, they longingly remember the sixties as a time when there was a sense of unity, when most of the country was middle class and there was a sense of optimism about the future. None of these are true today. Last year the U.S was 13th on the list of the happiest countries in the world; next year I fear that we will be lower. All we can do to enjoy is to remember hygge … enjoy the little pleasures of life, live completely in the present moment and nurture the relationships that are important to us.

 

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The Vanishing Department Store

When I saw the book” Bamberger’s : New Jersey’s Greatest Store” by Michael J. Lisicky, I knew I had to read it. When my wife and I started married life in Edison, N.J in 1973, Bamberger’s at the nearby Menlo Park Mall was where we shopped. Bamberger’s and Alexander’s were the two bookends of that mall and we spent many hours there. Alexander’s was low-end, Bamberger’s the more classy.

Lisicky who has made a name for himself as a “department store historian”, perhaps the only one in the U.S, has written a fascinating book about a fast vanishing piece of Americana. His book details the history of Bamberger’s from the 1893 opening of its first store at the corner of Market St. and Liberty Street in Newark, through it’s early struggles, the dynamic enlightened leadership of Louis Bamberger, its 1929 sale to R.H. Macy’s, its subsequent spread all over the Garden State and its absorption into Macy’s. Along the way, the reader picks up some interesting tidbits such as the fact that New Jersey’s first escalator was installed in Bamberger’s Newark store way back in 1901. And that the radio station WOR first went on air in 1922 from that same Bamberger’s store.

Reading the book also made me aware of how many of our department stores have vanished. Some of them have been absorbed by others ( notably  by Macy’s) but most have closed their doors for ever. Nationally, the number of these vanished stores is in the hundreds, if not thousands. In New Jersey alone, the list is long  and makes for sad reading. Some of those that I have shopped in, and are now gone, are Alexander’s, S.Klein on the Square, Sterns, McGrory’s Two Guys, Ohrbach’s and Woolworths. Others that are still around but are hanging on by  a thread include Sears, KMart and JCPenney. How long before they too are gone?

In the past year, I think I have gone only twice to a department store, Macy’s, and it was a dispiriting experience each time. Where once the aisles were full with bustling crowds there were only a few desultory shoppers. Or were they merely lookers? Except during the Christmas shopping season, I can’t imagine that the picture changes much.

I suppose that with the rise of big-box stores such as Costco and BJ’s, of discount giants like Walmart and the increasing popularity of Amazon and on-line shopping, the demise of the department store is inevitable. It is so much easier to purchase things online and have them delivered at no extra cost ( thanks to Amazon Prime) than to brave the traffic and actually go to a brick-and- mortar department store.

I was never one to go a store unless I needed to buy something. I was never one for whom ” Shopping” was a hobby. Nor was I one for mall-walking, a popular pastime of retirees, particularly in winter. I also admit that it is much much easier to buy things from Amazon on-line. Still, I will be sorry when the last department store is no more. As it disappears forever, it will also take away a part of my past.

 

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Celebrating the Chinese New Year

Last night, my wife and I attended the Chinese New Year dinner at the clubhouse of our Active Adult community. I had been looking forward to this evening for quite some time, for two reasons. First, I am a glutton for Chinese food and am always ready for more. Second, I am very curious about the actual number of Chinese families in our development.  I personally know only two Chinese here, one with whom I play table tennis and another who is a member of our duplicate bridge group. Occasionally, I see two Asian couples when I am out walking but they could be Korean. I never see Chinese in the clubhouse at any of the many activities that are held there. Surely, there have to be more in a development of over a thousand households?

Well, the Chinese food was a huge disappointment. It was catered from a local Cantonese restaurant and was kept warm on steam tables. Chinese food, as all foodies know, has to be eaten piping hot; if re-heated, it is not the same. At last evening’s dinner, the fare consisted of soggy spring rolls( limit one per diner), vegetarian noodles , pepper steak, sweet and sour chicken, vegetarian fried rice and dumplings. Allegedly, there were also shrimp, but ours was the last table to be called and by the time we served ourselves the shrimp were all gone. About the overall quality of the food, let me say this: even if it had been served fresh and piping hot, it would have been at most mediocre.

However, the rest of the evening was  very enjoyable.  Those seated at our table included two of our neighbors, and  John and Ursula as well as a Chinese couple Ming and Mary who it turned out had been living on the next street over from us in Edison. Though we had lived in such close proximity for almost twenty years we met them for the first time only yesterday. From Mary we learnt that one of the traditions for Chinese New Year’s Eve is  Reunion Dinner when children visit their parents. It is a tradition that is carried on by Chinese- Americans too and thus there were only three Chinese couples at the dinner yesterday;  the rest were visiting their parents. Mary also told us that there were about 35 Chinese families in our development, many of whom had moved there recently. Consequently, there was no Chinese- American club though one was in the process of being formed. The dinner we attended was organized by the Home-owners Association of the development and this accounted for the disappointing food.

After the dinner, there was a short presentation by a Chinese gentleman about the meaning of Chinese New Year and the traditions associated with it. Some of it was new to me and all of it was interesting.

The Chinese New Year is based on a lunar calendar and always falls on a New Moon  day between January 21st and February 20th. 2017 is the year of the Rooster, the only bird in the Chinese zodiac. In addition to the aforementioned Reunion Dinner, New Year traditions include cleaning the house thoroughly ( to sweep away bad luck and usher in good fortune), wearing new clothes, decorating doors and windows with red-colored signs with wishes for good fortune, health, wealth and happiness, giving friends nd relatives gifts of money in red envelopes and lighting fire-crackers( colored red of course). The fire  crackers are intended to drive away evil spirits and red is a lucky color that signifies joy, truth, virtue and success.  The number 8 is considered lucky; monetary gifts therefore come in sums that include the number 8 e.g $ 8, $ 80 etc.

There are several food traditions associated with this auspicious occasion. Among the dishes traditionally served at the Reunion Dinners are Buddha’s Delight, dumplings, fish, and’ long life’ noodles. The dumplings are vaguely reminiscent of ingots of gold and silver, signifying prosperity, and the noodles are fabricated uncut to signify long life. The fish is never completely finished at this meal ; some of it is saved for use the next day to ask for the boon ” let there be more every year”.

All in all, it was a very nice evening and I will be there next year , particularly if the Chinese – American club is the one organizing it.

 

 

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The Antithesis of Dining Out

Ichiran, a Japanese restaurant chain, opened its first New York City restaurant earlier this year and it is based on a very strange concept. About half its 82 seats are ” flavor concentration booths”, the rest regular group seating. These booths are like library carrels with dividers on either side and in front so that the diner is utterly alone. After filling out a menu with his choices, the diner pushes a call button. A”faceless server “then retrieves the menu -” faceless” because the booth is constructed with a movable shade to reveal only his/her torso – and delivers the order when it is ready. Throughout the entire meal, the diner never interacts with any other human, presumably so that he is free from distractions and can concentrate solely on the food. The average meal time (in Japan) is only about 20 minutes which makes for a quick turnaround and enables the restaurant to enhance  turnover.

But what does it do for the diner? I don’t know.

Forget about the supposed intent of enabling the diner to have a heightened dining experience because he is concentrating only on the food. Ichiran is a ramen restaurant serving only one kind of soup ( pork-bone-broth tonkotsu) though diners can customize their soup by specifying the richness of the broth  and the strength of the dashi. Ramen lovers may blanch at my assertion but… ramen is ramen. Dining at a ramen restaurant is like eating at a pizzeria or at a barbecue joint. A fine dining experience it is not.

Leave it to the Japanese to come up with a concept like this. There is much to admire about the Japanese but they have some strange quirks. Remember the tube like ” hotel rooms” that guests can crawl into  and sleep when they want an economical overnight stay. Just the thought of it gives me the willies.

While I agree that food is the main ingredient of the experience of dining out, it is not the only one. The total experience includes such things as the ambience, the table settings and the interaction with other diners and the restaurant staff. Without them, one might as well take out food and eat alone at home.

I wonder how long Ichiran will last in New York. New Yorkers are canny customers and I expect them to see through the gimmick very soon. No matter how good the ramen and the broth, there are plenty of other ramen restaurants in New York to choose from.

 

 

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Cooking and the Yuppie

Twelve years ago, when my son first started work, I was concerned about his diet and how he would find the time to cook for himself. Those first two years, he regularly put in 70 hours a week at the office, sometimes even 80 or 90. There was no time to do anything much else except sleep and commute. The company did provide meals at lunchtime ( all the better to keep workers at their desks) so lunch was no problem. The rest of the time he ordered take-out food. Not the best option because it is loaded with fat, salt and sugar but, at the time, almost the only option.

How things have changed over the past few years!

Now, there are a number of firms that deliver meal-kits, or meals in a box. These kits include exact portions of meat, fish, vegetables , sauces, spices etc. along with recipe cards that tell buyers just how to use them into a satisfying and healthy meal. Generally, there are two options: three dishes / week, each serving two persons or the family plan : two dishes, each serving four people. Among the companies selling meals in a box are Blue Apron (emphasis on easy, healthy recipes), Plated ( sustainable foods), Pete’s Paleo,  Peachdish ( Southern food), and Purple Carrot ( vegan). Subscribers sign up on-line and select recipes from about 6 to 8 options each week ; the cost works out to about $ 10/ serving, about a dollar less for the family plan. Certainly advantageous to these young people, both in terms of money and time. Since all the ingredients are premeasured and prepped, it takes only about 45 minutes to cook a meal.

Three of the biggest advantages are: 1) No need to spend time grocery shopping, 2) No danger of excess food spoiling in the refrigerator and 3) Portion control. Servings are about 800 calories apiece, plenty enough for a meal but not excessive. When one cooks from scratch, the tendency is to buy more than what one needs. Either the excess food goes to waste or you wind up cooking and eating too much.

There are several other advantages too.  These meals are far superior to take-out food, and easier than cooking from scratch. The ingredients are high quality and the detailed instructions that come with the recipes make it easy to put a meal together. There is a lot of variety;  many of the services guarantee that recipes will not be repeated for at least a year. Cooks can also alter the recipes to their liking, by adding a little of this or a little of that. And the recipe cards can also be a guide in the future when cooking from scratch. In fact, cooking with these meal-kits often leads to a revived interest in cooking.

Nothing is perfect , however and there are some drawbacks to these meal kits. There are a few, very few, mishaps with the shipping but they are not worth bothering about. A more serious problem is that cancellations or skipping a week’s delivery have to be done well in advance; usually a week, which is not always possible. Another, which will bother the socially responsible, is that there is a lot of packaging to be garbaged each week.

For those who cannot spare the time to cook, not even 45 minutes, there are services like Munchery which provides ready made meals at about the same cost. All that buyers have to do is reheat the delivered meal for about 10 minutes.

My son also told me about another service which makes it easy to host a party. All you have to do is to specify the kind of food you want ( Thai, Chinese, Italian etc.), and the number of people expected at the party. You put out the requirements on the internet and take bids on your smartphone. Once the price and menu are agreed upon, you can sit back and relax. On the appointed day, a chef turns up and prepares the food in your kitchen. Once again, the cost works out to less than you would spend at a restaurant. Two other advantages are that since you don’t have to cook, you can spend a relaxed evening  with guests, and there is much greater leeway in selecting the food.

Yes, things are much different now; I no longer worry about my son’s diet.

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